THIS IS TURNING INTO A BLOG ABOUT BIKES

March 17th, 2009: Thoughts

Had to share this: the second highest search term for this site is now “childrens bikes for £50″

Perhaps I should just run with it and start a blog about cheap bikes? That do nothing but sit there, chained up?

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THE BLOODY BIKE’S STILL THERE…

March 17th, 2009: Ideas, News

Well 48 hours have passed. The hard drive of my secreted laptop has been filled to the brim with footage of a static, chained bike as the world gets steadily darker, and then lighter, and then darker again. It would be poetic if it wasn’t so boring. Apparently at some point a guy took some pictures of it. But that’s all. Here it is: still there.

Still here mister bike

Somehow I imagined this would end up being a bit more rock n roll (in a minor traffic offence kind of way). It’s all very quiet.

Too quiet…

Could this be a double-bluff? Bike cops playing the waiting game? Well, I got all the time in the world my friends…

Next stop - making an ‘anonymous complaint’…

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THEY CAN TAKE OUR D-LOCKS, BUT THEY’LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!

March 15th, 2009: Ideas, News

Way back last year Gwyn was awarded £50 to execute this great idea:

“I’d spend five quid on a crappy bike, then forty-five quid on really heavy-duty chains. Lots of them.

Then I’d find one of those prissy “bikes chained here will be removed” signs, probably in an outright bike-hostile area like Ganton St near Oxford Circus, chain the hell out of the bike, and retire to a nearby cafe with a video camera to await developments.

The resulting video, probably in time-lapse, should be highly entertaining. Five points if they have to get welding equipment. Ten points if they cut through the sign.”

Well, at 6.20pm today Gwyn’s mischievous wish was finally granted. His £5 dream machine was chained, like a bicycle Emmeline Pakhurst, beneath just such a sign at the Ganton Street end of Newburgh Street :

Unchain my bike

Whatevs Gramps!

Oh will they be removed indeed? Well, Bike Oppressors, we’ll see about that..

Bring it on Bike Cops!

Bring it on Bike Cops. I reckon we’re looking at an angle grinder at least. We’ve got a secret camera set up on the bike 24-7 so watch out for a video update once it’s all over. Hee hee!

But…what if they never get it off? What if we kept adding chains to the bike until they submitted, defeated, and allowed it to remain? What a historic blow for bike liberty that would be!

So - if you have any spare bike chains then please do drop by the bike (Ganton Street end of Newburgh Street) and enhance its union with the lamppost (and give the camera a wave whilst you’re there). Although do make treble sure you’ve got the right bike…

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BOO!

March 3rd, 2009: Ideas, News

Yikes, what happened there?

Okay, all of you who live in London, get your bike locks at the ready. Here’s the machine…

Dream machine

What a beaut! It’s been parked there for 6 months in, erm, training.

But now - cometh the hour! If you have no idea what I’m talking about read this. And hunt down any spare/cheap d-locks you have in time for next week…

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IT IS ACTUALLY HAMMER TIME

November 15th, 2008: Ideas, News

The HAMMER TIME stickers were made. The pants either nice and baggy or two-toned and nice and tight. And, despite a late realisation that real STOP signs only exist in America, suitable car park signage successfully located. This is the result…

I’m still speechless. Amazing

Check out the original idea here and big up Amy and Martha!

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IT’S ALL GO

August 24th, 2008: News

A quick update on the remaining ideas: the bike has been bought and chaining will occur imminently, Joel has returned from the field he’s been living in for 3 months and is ready to make a parking offender’s day, Amy has made her ‘hammer time’ stickers, and the mysterious Cerne Abbas has finally determined how I am to get the money to him to fund his sinister purposes:

Hello Peter,

I have been mulling over my options and have settled on how i would like to go about this. I am most tickled by the plan.

However, remaining anonymous is essential to the operation and giving you my bank details, address to send a cheque or inviting you around for tea would very much compromise the situation. So, I suggest we involve ourselves in a bit of cloak and dagger.

What says you to a trip to trendy Shoreditch? Judging by your photos on the internet you would like that side of town. If you could be so kind as to place the £50 in an envelope before your trip. Put the envelope in one of those polystyrene chip boxes you get from  a kebab shop and then that in plastic bag.

This bag should be deposited in the XXX at Xpm next XXX. Once I have seen you return safely to Old Street and off on your merry way, I shall then collect. Don’t worry about the local thugs, I will scare them off before you arrive.

Please let me know if this suits you, if not, be as kind as to let me know when a good time would be.

Excitedly,

Cerne

I’m both scared and excited…and to be honest not knowing any more about Mr Abbas suits me just fine. Good luck sir!

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FREE FLOWERS!

August 6th, 2008: Ideas, News

How many flowers does £50 buy you? Bloody shitloads as it happens. And what do people do when you try to give them away for free? Ask Kelvin, that’s what he tried to do at Liverpool Street station…

If you're reading this (and can't see any pictures) view this post from the HOME page of the site.

This is how it begins. You start with the odd bluebell and before you know it you’re up to five bouquets a day.

If you're reading this (and can't see any pictures) view this post from the HOME page of the site.

Alright petal.

If you're reading this (and can't see any pictures) view this post from the HOME page of the site.

Stop that woman! She didn’t pay for her flower! oh.

Apparently many people thought it was a scam.

Well I guess it does look a little bit suspicious.

Doing the deed.

It was like the sixties all over again.

The effect

(flowers) - (money) = (smiles x loads)

How's he going to get those home on his bike?

What a beautiful aroma.

Enjoy the flowers ladies! They're free!

J’aime les fleurs. Vous?

Tell all your friends about dangerfund.com!

And that was that, a heartwarming first idea come to fruition. Nice one Kelvin and team! Were you there? Let me know! Let’s do some more!

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IF HANNIBAL WAS STILL AROUND TO READ IT HE’D LIKE THIS POST ABOUT FUNDING.

June 24th, 2008: Accounts, Ideas, News

This is where the talking stops! And the er, dangering begins.

The first set of ideas have been picked by the haughty egotists we call the Selectors and small amounts of cash are winging their way to each of the lucky recipients as I type.

Drink this milk!

The ideas A-Team are:

‘I want to stick ‘HAMMER TIME’ stickers on STOP signs’

‘I want to lock a cheap bicycle to a prissy Bikes left here will be removed sign with the heaviest duty chains I can find’

‘I want to give away lots of flowers to strangers’

‘I want to draw a large male member around the Daily Mail offices’

I want to anonymously refund someone’s parking fine’

Hooray! Well done troops. What happens next? They each carry out their schemes, film and photograph all the action, and then I post it up here for you to see!

And in the meantime everyone else : keep sending in those ideas.

Time for some suitably rousing music

PS: thanks to Mark O’Neill for the donation!

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DANGER IN THE NEWS

May 18th, 2008: News

Have a look at this little mention of the £50 Quid Danger Fund in The Times. It makes me sound like a slightly unhinged circus clown, but still it’s nice to get a nod.

For the record I am not trying to ‘change the world, with a giggle’, and please do not send me any ‘wacky’ ideas. But (seriously) thanks for the mention Francesca.

Donate to danger

Got a wacky idea, but need a few bob to execute it? Well, there’s now a charity out there to help you. The £50 Danger Fund aims to change the world, with a giggle. Funded by donations, so far it has only received £50 — from someone who then claimed it back for a personal project. “Exactly the sort of needlessly dangerous behaviour that we like!” says the site’s undaunted creator, Peter Hames.

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LET’S FUND SOME BLINKING IDEAS!

May 18th, 2008: Accounts, News

The Danger Fund has been in business for a little over a month. And it’s going pretty darned well I’d say. We’ve received schemes for MC Hammer-related tomfoolery, big penis mischief and troublemaking through the medium of bike security, plus many more. Danke for all of your ideas large and small; the response has been such that we’re going to do an early round of funding to get a few going now. Largely because I can’t wait to (possibly) see a huge cock drawn around the Daily Mail offices.

So it’s probably a good time to give you an update on money, and prove that this is not an elaborate (and rather idiotic) money-making scam. Here is the state of the Danger Fund account:

Total assets: £196.97

Donations to PayPal:

Peter Hames —> £1 (to test it)

Matthew Knight —> £50

Ben Harris —> £50

PayPal charges —> -£4.03 (£4.03!)

Total cash on PayPal —> £96.97

Cheques:

Peter Hames —> £50

Michael-George Hemus —> £50

Total cash in the bank —> £100.00

Matthew, MGH and Ben - big kisses all round.

So if I top it up to £200 we can do four ideas. I will be imminently sending all of the ideas so far to our Selectors and getting them to do what they do best, select.

Let the danger commence!

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