The HAMMER TIME stickers were made. The pants either nice and baggy or two-toned and nice and tight. And, despite a late realisation that real STOP signs only exist in America, suitable car park signage successfully located. This is the result…

I’m still speechless. Amazing

Check out the original idea here and big up Amy and Martha!

A quick update on the remaining ideas: the bike has been bought and chaining will occur imminently, Joel has returned from the field he’s been living in for 3 months and is ready to make a parking offender’s day, Amy has made her ‘hammer time’ stickers, and the mysterious Cerne Abbas has finally determined how I am to get the money to him to fund his sinister purposes:

Hello Peter,

I have been mulling over my options and have settled on how i would like to go about this. I am most tickled by the plan.

However, remaining anonymous is essential to the operation and giving you my bank details, address to send a cheque or inviting you around for tea would very much compromise the situation. So, I suggest we involve ourselves in a bit of cloak and dagger.

What says you to a trip to trendy Shoreditch? Judging by your photos on the internet you would like that side of town. If you could be so kind as to place the £50 in an envelope before your trip. Put the envelope in one of those polystyrene chip boxes you get from  a kebab shop and then that in plastic bag.

This bag should be deposited in the XXX at Xpm next XXX. Once I have seen you return safely to Old Street and off on your merry way, I shall then collect. Don’t worry about the local thugs, I will scare them off before you arrive.

Please let me know if this suits you, if not, be as kind as to let me know when a good time would be.

Excitedly,

Cerne

I’m both scared and excited…and to be honest not knowing any more about Mr Abbas suits me just fine. Good luck sir!

How many flowers does £50 buy you? Bloody shitloads as it happens. And what do people do when you try to give them away for free? Ask Kelvin, that’s what he tried to do at Liverpool Street station…

This is how it begins. You start with the odd bluebell and before you know it you’re up to five bouquets a day.

Alright petal.

Stop that woman! She didn’t pay for her flower! oh.

Well I guess it does look a little bit suspicious.

It was like the sixties all over again.

(flowers) - (money) = (smiles x loads)

What a beautiful aroma.

J’aime les fleurs. Vous?

And that was that, a heartwarming first idea come to fruition. Nice one Kelvin and team! Were you there? Let me know! Let’s do some more!

This is where the talking stops! And the er, dangering begins.

The first set of ideas have been picked by the haughty egotists we call the Selectors and small amounts of cash are winging their way to each of the lucky recipients as I type.

The ideas A-Team are:

‘I want to stick ‘HAMMER TIME’ stickers on STOP signs’

‘I want to lock a cheap bicycle to a prissy Bikes left here will be removed sign with the heaviest duty chains I can find’

‘I want to give away lots of flowers to strangers’

‘I want to draw a large male member around the Daily Mail offices’

I want to anonymously refund someone’s parking fine’

Hooray! Well done troops. What happens next? They each carry out their schemes, film and photograph all the action, and then I post it up here for you to see!

And in the meantime everyone else : keep sending in those ideas.

Time for some suitably rousing music…

PS: thanks to Mark O’Neill for the donation!

Have a look at this little mention of the £50 Quid Danger Fund in The Times. It makes me sound like a slightly unhinged circus clown, but still it’s nice to get a nod.

For the record I am not trying to ‘change the world, with a giggle’, and please do not send me any ‘wacky’ ideas. But (seriously) thanks for the mention Francesca.

Donate to danger

Got a wacky idea, but need a few bob to execute it? Well, there’s now a charity out there to help you. The £50 Danger Fund aims to change the world, with a giggle. Funded by donations, so far it has only received £50 — from someone who then claimed it back for a personal project. “Exactly the sort of needlessly dangerous behaviour that we like!” says the site’s undaunted creator, Peter Hames.

Posted by Francesca Steele

The Danger Fund has been in business for a little over a month. And it’s going pretty darned well I’d say. We’ve received schemes for MC Hammer-related tomfoolery, big penis mischief and troublemaking through the medium of bike security, plus many more. Danke for all of your ideas large and small; the response has been such that we’re going to do an early round of funding to get a few going now. Largely because I can’t wait to (possibly) see a huge cock drawn around the Daily Mail offices.

So it’s probably a good time to give you an update on money, and prove that this is not an elaborate (and rather idiotic) money-making scam. Here is the state of the Danger Fund account:

Total assets: £196.97

Donations to PayPal:

Peter Hames —> £1 (to test it)

Matthew Knight —> £50

Ben Harris —> £50

PayPal charges —> -£4.03 (£4.03!)

Total cash on PayPal —> £96.97

Cheques:

Peter Hames —> £50

Michael-George Hemus —> £50

Total cash in the bank —> £100.00

Matthew, MGH and Ben - big kisses all round.

So if I top it up to £200 we can do four ideas. I will be imminently sending all of the ideas so far to our Selectors and getting them to do what they do best, select.

Let the danger commence!

Barely a day after the launch of the fund and we’d received both our first idea and our first £50 donation.

Both were from the same person. Giving your money away and then trying to win it back again - exactly the sort of needlessly dangerous behaviour that we like!

So thank you Matthew for getting the ball rolling. Good luck.

Here’s his idea…

“so, the idea is all up at http://disposablememoryproject.org but in a nutshell - we buy a load of disposable cameras, and leave them around london - in a plastic bag with some basic instructions. the instructions will ask the finder of the camera to take some photos, and pass it on to someone else (or leave somewhere to be found). if you finish the camera - we ask you to send it back to us, and we’ll develop it, and upload the photos. anyone who finds the camera can also visit the website, and say where they found it, so we can track its movements. hopefully, we’ll get some (probably not all) of the cameras back, and they’ll show a visual representation of their journeys. the money would go towards buying the first set of cameras (£2.50 a camera) and developing the cameras (about £6 i think).”

Lovely stuff…

It has happened. We have launched the £50 Quid Danger Fund. We’ve even got our own bank account.

But where does a Dangerous Fund place its assets? The most dangerous bank in Britain of course!

So with that in mind I called Northern Rock, reasoning that they could probably do with the money.

But instead of the outpouring of gratitude that I was expecting, I was told in no uncertain terms that my business would not be welcome at the Rock. Why? I like to think that it’s because we’re too dangerous for even the most dangerous bank in Britain. But the truth is that they don’t have a suitable low deposit community account for unregistered not-for-profit organisations. That doesn’t sound quite as rock and roll so make sure you tell all your friends it’s because we’re too dangerous.

Anyway, I’ve ended up opening an account with the Alliance & Leicester, much more accommodating and boring as hell. But then I guess your bank is one thing in life that you don’t want any surprises from.

Current balance: £0.00

Help revise that figure upwards by donating here.